It seems that nowadays, more and more youth are having to experience life without a parent. Most of the time it’s without a dad.
When I was growing up however, it wasn’t that way. Everyone had their two parents and it actually felt like I was weird or different for not having a dad. At a point, I started to think it was my fault.
A lot of the time, abuse causes divorce. I was 8 years old and the man I had always worshiped became the man I feared the most. That’s the crazy part. Actually saying “I’m afraid of what my dad has and can continue to do to my mom.”
The biggest thing with having an abusive father is actually knowing whether or not to consider your dad as your actual dad or to see him as some asshole who continuously bruised and abused your mom. Especially in the case where you actually love him but you also love your mom.
It’s very hard living without a dad but here are some tips I’ve used over the past 13 years (yes, at 21 i am still affected by not having a dad for so long) to make it less shitty especially when you have had an abusive dad:
1. Be proud of your mom. She’s brave and she’s strong. Trust me, this will make her more of a great role model for you.
2. Although daddy issues is a thing, you don’t have to blame everything on that because it keeps the thought of hurt from your dad lingering in your head. trust me, if you don’t recognize yourself with daddy issues, even if you have them, the hurt will hurt less - I learnt this the hard way.
3. Your mom becomes your mom and dad so realistically, you have the best of both worlds.
4. It will be scary dating guys or hanging around guys sometimes because you will think they will do what your dad did but not every guy is your dad. Do not forget that.
5. Forgive your dad. Everyone makes mistakes it took me a while to accept that but it’s true. Forgive him because what’s the point holding a grudge for the rest of your life. You don’t have to let him back into your life but don’t let the hatred you have for him ruin opportunities for you.